Do you build better relationships with people, or you are the person people keep avoiding?
If you are not building better relationships with people, you are doing a great disservice to yourself because all your blessings, your increase, and abundance will come through people, and to be more precise a man.
Well, how often do you communicate with the people you have saved on your phonebook?
Unfortunately, sometimes you can spend both time and money searching for solutions to your problems somewhere else when you are actually carrying those solutions and moving around with them.
Why so? Because you stopped valuing the contacts on your phone book, and you felt you needed new ones. You feel they need you, but you don’t need them. That’s the problem you got, man!
I didn’t say you should not network and build new friendships. But equally, you shouldn’t ignore old friends just because you feel they aren’t significant in your life.
Build Better Relationships with PeopleNo Man is an Island
Show me a self-made man, and I will show you a liar. Even if you were to learn a skill on YouTube on your own, someone had to post that video for you to find it there.
Life has some honest and straightforward truths that we always keep ignoring yet cost us our money, time, and other resources.
Because you were once poor and now have begun making money, you start feeling you should cut off your friends because you feel they don’t measure up to the current you.
You feel they are pulling you down.
You feel you can call people who matter and forget about the ones you feel can’t bring a significant change in your life.
The success you are looking for is not in heaven. It’s on earth, among the people you keep ignoring. Some of these people look cheap and primitive, but they carry your blessings.
In John the third chapter, twenty-seventh verse, John mentions that no one can receive anything unless given to him from above.
If the Lord is going to release your blessings, he will release them through a man.
He is a Spirit being. You don’t expect him to come down from heaven and bless you. But he will use his servants and other people as vessels of his blessings to bless you.
Similarly, he can also use you for his noble purpose that you may be a blessing to someone else’s life.
Here is why you need to build better relationships with peoplein 2021
1. All great testimonies are connected to man/People
Was there a time you gave a testimony that wasn’t connected to a man? The far you have come is because of the people who have been around you.
In 2nd Kings chapter 13, we are told that Moabites used to raid the land of Israel. In one raid, they found Israelites trying to bury a man. Out of panic, the Israelites threw the body on Elisha’s graveyard. When the corpse touched Elisha’s bone, the man came back to life.
The point I’m passing across is that all your blessings will come through a man.
If you start counting your blessings, every one of them has been through people.
You needed a man to guide you through the course selection you took before joining campus.
A man was instrumental in enabling you to close the deal on that business you are running today.
If married, it’s apparent that you met your wife through people. The bottom line here is that your blessings came through a man.
2. There is Nothing you are Trying to Achieve that a Man hasn’t Achieved before
Now, the world is said to be 4.5 billion years old. Think about all the people who have lived before you.
If you were to get a chance to meet some of them today, which isn’t possible, of course, everybody would have a story to tell. They would tell you about the dreams they had. Their goals and what they were able to achieve.
Talk about any field, career, vocation, or calling in the world; there is nobody that hasn’t gone before you. That tells you something. To succeed, you need people for the apparent reason that they have gone ahead of you. They have learned from their failures and are wise enough to share with you their experience.
In 1 Kings 19;19-21, Elisha left everything he had and all he was doing to follow Elijah. Of course, he followed Elijah because he wanted to be like him – a prophet. The only way Elisha could become a prophet was to learn from another prophet.
3.There are People you Ignore in your Life, yet they Carry your Blessings.
In 1st Samuel 16, the great prophet in Israel, Samuel had visited the home of a farmer and a herdsman, Jesse. The Lord had sent him to anoint the next king of Israel after King Saul had lost God’s glory because of disobedience.
After vetting all the elder sons whom Jesse thought were the best fit to be kings in Israel, none was found to qualify.
Little did they know that the youngest son in the home, David, carried the family’s blessings. He was the one who was anointed to be king in Israel after King Saul.
Had David not been a king in Israel, Jesse would be another man in Jesus Christ’s genealogy. But more fundamentally, him being part of Jesus Christ’s genealogy already put him in the records of Bible history.
To his brothers, David was a sheepherder and a messenger to run errands in the home. But what God saw in him is not what others saw.
There are people you keep ignoring and delude yourself that maybe they amount to nothing in your life. But they could be the very people who will make a mark in your life.
4. Some People will Take you to Greatness because of your Small Assistance in their Lives.
Your greatness could be lying in your remote assistance to someone else. Years back, I happened to be walking with two of my peers along a street that led to the main town center. Along the way, we met an older man who was pushing a loaded wheelbarrow.
Seeing us passing by, he requested our assistance. My peers ignored him. Deep down, I wanted to help the older adult, but I fell into peer pressure.
I regretted not helping the older man. Honour is not much of a hefty price to pay. And it could open other blessings you never imagined you would ever have in your life.
The story goes of a bright young lady in a particular village who had just won a scholarship to undertake her higher education in the United Kingdom. I will call her Rachel.
While at home, Rachel used to run their family shop at the nearest trading center. Almost daily, an old village man used to pass by the shop. His better days seem to have gone by, and he wasn’t much of a pleasant sight to look at.
All Rachel could do was greet him and offer an empathetic smile. But you won’t believe it when I tell you what the greetings of Rachel led to.
Just before she flew abroad, the older man got wind that Rachel was flying to the UK in a few days to come.
The man got in touch with Rachel and asked her for a walk in town. They headed over to the nearest bank, where the man withdrew money over $2000/Ksh.200,000 and handed it over to Rachel.
All for what? Greetings? Honour? Her case was not even about offering any assistance. By just showing respect and greeting the older man, she received her financial blessings.
5. A Man will Mentor You.
Had I not met with Walter Akolo, the Freelancer Kenya founder, I wouldn’t have begun my freelance writing journey.
Walter runs two popular groups on Facebook. Remarkable Freelance Writers in Africa and Awesome Transcribers in Kenya.
Through these groups, Walter has mentored and keeps mentoring thousands of people in their journey as freelance writers and internet marketers.
You feel you are good at something, but you need a man as a mentor to shape you in your craft. But you will unleash your potential better when you have a mentor to walk you through every step of the way.
God uses older men in the faith to mentor young ministers in the gospel. Timothy had Paul.
In Ruth 3, we see Ruth’s mother-in-law, Naomi guiding her on what to do to win Boaz’s heart. Thanks to Naomi’s motherly advice, Ruth got married to Boaz. The two are part of the genealogy of Jesus Christ. What a wonder!
6.You need to let go of a Man who Has Become a Burden.
Build better relationships with people because, among them, there is a man there who carries your blessings. On the contrary, men could also become burdensome. In that case, you may have no option but to let them go.
You are not the manager of the universe. There is a limit to how far you can go in helping or standing with someone. And it sometimes happens that a man could become a burden for one reason or the other.
Some will take advantage of your generosity. Others will be too much to bear. There are some tasks you can’t involve some people because you know they will be a burden.
Take the example of David and Hushai in 2nd Samuel 15:33-35
The Bottom Line
See it this way. If you are the person who keeps ignoring people intentionally, know that you are ignoring your blessings. However much you have achieved or how far you have income in life, you still need people.
When life misfortunes come knocking, which no one is immune to, you will need the same people you think you don’t need to stand with you.
I have a list of unconventional wisdom nuggets to share with you before we wrap up 2020.
I’m not mean. Whatever I learn, you learn and we move forward together, don’t we?
We are just counting a few hours into the new year. I thought it wise to write this post before we cross over. Isn’t that the next big thing? ama ni pekee yangu nangoja kuvuka mwaka?
People always have their own reasons that makes them loathe the month January. From where I live, it’s the month that the sun is always hotter than ever with a dusty wind blowing you right, left and center.
It makes your lips appear dry and cracked. Ooh January!
Never mind that you made your deep pockets shallow during the festive season. All on what? Eating and making merry? By the way, Christmas is the only time people meet with their larger families, so its worth spending an extra coin, right?
13 Unconventional Wisdom Nuggets
I have lived long enough to know when someone is making me to look stupid or would want to take advantage of me.
Some bad events in my life have occurred not once but twice because of my sheer lack of keenness about lessons I should be learning in life.
And so while traveling from one town to the next, I put together this list I call unconventional wisdom nuggets to break down life for what it really is.
Be wise about life and thank me later. On the flip side, play with fire and get burned.
Unconventional Wisdom 1: Don’t do Business with Relatives
I have been a keen reader of life enough to know that business with relatives is never the best of arrows to use in your quiver.
If things go south in the business, you will have yourself to blame. You will be the loser and there is little you can do to seek redress.
Where in the world will you take your uncle or cousin? to the police? C’mon you know where this ends.
I didn’t say they shouldn’t be your customers. They can buy from you as much as they want but don’t make them your business partners.
The case of Tuskys Supermarket downfall in Kenya arose due to siblings rivalry and greed. It was a family business. Though not directly related to what I’m trying to say, to some extent it rings a bell.
Relatives will take advantage of your blood relationship to manipulate you, steal from you, or simply tarnish your reputation.
Relatives should remain relatives unless it’s an immediate family owned business with well learned people.
Unconventional Wisdom 2: Lend Money you are willing to Lose
The person who comes to you to borrow money is never the same when you call them to ask for your money back.
Most people when borrowing money are always humble, respectful and honest looking till they get hold of your cash.
While this is not always the case with all the people who borrow money from you, a lot that happens is bad news.
All hell breaks lose when they don’t honor their promise and you have to keep calling them to ask for your money back.
Some will be outright rude, or feign sickness that they have never suffered from before.
To keep your piece, lend money you are willing to lose or choose to be called stingy. Haha. Apply some unconventional wisdom in your money dealings.
3. You Can Give Money to Strangers but Lend
People can be sly. And mark me right, I’m not being pessimistic or negative. I have a first hand experience of some of things I’m writing about.
I met a lady online doing Network marketing. She befriended me asking me to join her network marketing team but I politely declined.
However, she was very persuasive and kept posting images of Mpesa transactions showing her team members making a kill.
Still, she didn’t woo me in. All I asked her was to train and mentor me to be a good network marketer so I could get the skills and use them to my own gain.
She agreed to my request and said there was nothing for free and so I will have to pay her $15/kes1500 for the training.
We agreed that I shall be paying the amounts in bits. We had known each other for less than 3 months when one Friday, she asked me for kes300 to be returned on Monday.
I send her the money because it’s the money I could easily spend on lunch. That was the last time I heard from her.
Any person you have known for less than a year is a stranger. Don’t commit to them any valuable resources you have. The trick with them is always to stay closer to you as possible, know your vulnerabilities/weaknesses and pap!
They strike when the iron is hot.
4. People Watch your Actions not your Words. Tenda Mema
A lot many times we are always easy with words. And beware of people who talk to much. Even the Bible warns against to many words for in them sin is not absent.
Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut
Proverbs 10:19 (NLV)
Almost always, people have a leeway with words. You get caught in a compromising situation all you have to do is to use your mouth to absolve yourself from blame. Aren’t lawyers making money with law interpretation and words?
However, we easily forget that people will hear your words but also watch what you do after. Be the person who keeps promises no matter how small.
You want to be the person whose yes will be a yes and no a no. The common Swahili saying goes “Tenda mema nenda zako”
Kenyan politicians have a way with words but a large zero on their report cards. A typical Kenyan politician could easily sing his way to parliament, get their and pass no tangible laws or mismanage CDF funds.
He later comes back to his constituents in the next election with a bag of empty promises and sings his way back to parliament again.
Unconventional wisdom dictates that you be a man of your words by honoring them through right actions.
5. Bosses are the Most Unliked People Hahah
Sorry for being brutal with the truth here, but people seldom love their bosses. Most people sulk, whine, and loathe their bosses/managers for myriad reasons.
Sometimes the juniors complaining are right but some other times they are wrong as well. Your boss could be the insecure type who isn’t happy to see you outshining them. This is because to them that means you are about to take their position.
According to the 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene, it’s never a wise move to outshine your leader or boss.
However, sometimes people outshine their bosses even when they are not trying to. And that alone is enough reason for tension and friction in the work place.
On the same knot, some bosses have character issues or are either poor at communication and this really creates a lot of friction with their juniors.
Nevertheless, not all bosses can be branded as bad. Some are really good mentors and can groom you to heights unimaginable.
If you can’t tolerate your boss, find another one or start working for yourself and quit your current job. It’s easier said than done, right?
Unconventional wisdom denotes that working for yourself is the surest way to grow rich.
Where there is a will there is a way
6. Motivational Gospel vs. Doctrinal Gospel. Be Grounded on Absolute Truth
Well, I began by saying I have some unconventional wisdom to share with you as we wrap up 2020. Some of my wordings are going to be a little bit radical.
You are free to share your reservations in the comments section below.
I’m a believer and ascribe to the fundamentals of the Christian faith that Jesus was born of a virgin Mary, died, resurrected, ascended high above the heavens and he is seated at the right hand of the father.
He is our great advocate and intercessor before the father.
As believers, we are in him justified he is us glorified.
However, I have been in the church long enough to hear lots of sermons from different preachers and pastors of the word. I can only come to one conclusion: Much of what is touted as the gospel isn’t doctrinal but more of motivational/prosperity speeches with little grounding on doctrine.
The sad part is that people or rather churchgoers have been so accustomed to the prosperity gospel that when you introduce the gospel about who you can be in Jesus and how you can build a strong relationship with him, you look like the liar.
You become boring to their itching ears.
It’s true that believers are inheritors/partakers of the Abrahamic blessings. You will also agree with me that believers have been asked to seek God’s kingdom and his righteousness and all things shall be added unto them. But our focus shouldn’t be on the blessings, it should be on God and his kingdom and other things will be added.
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
Matthew 6:33 (NLV)
Let me Preach 🙂
Unfortunately, believers today practice the above verse vice versa. They seek things first then God later. By seeking things first, they pray less, attend fellowships less, study God’s word less, and everything less.
And this situation most likely stems from insufficient to zero grounding on doctrine because of wrong teachings of the word or none at all.
For example, do believers give because they are blessed or they will be blessed? Everything Jesus has done for the believer is in the past tense. Any gospel talking about Jesus will do is another gospel.
For the non-believers, Jesus will do, because they are not yet in him but for the believers he has done it all. But wait, Jesus did it and finished it all even for the non-believers.
He will not come from heaven again and be crucified to save those who don’t believe. All they have to do is believe in the finished work of the cross, repent and seek to grow spiritually.
I will not teach but I would encourage you to start listening to preachers of grace such as Joseph Prince, Abel Damina, and Andrew Wommack.
7. Build True and Genuine Friendships with People
I know of people in my phonebook who will only call because they are in distress or need a favor.
Once they get what they want they vanish only to remember you when they are in trouble again.
Those are not friends. I refer to them as parasites because they only show up to ravage on your resources. They are like the devil who only shows up to rob, kill and destroy.
To amount to something in this world, you need people. You can’t keep behaving in a way that makes them second guess you and expect their support.
If employed, never make a mistake of believing all your office colleagues are your friends. When you lose your job, a few will keep in touch or even remember to say Hi.
That’s when you will know who your true friends are. Sorry but true friendship is about give and take. You have to sacrifice you time, money, skills and energy to keep your friendship blossoming.
8. Guardian Angels in Life are Real. There is One for You
Sijasema uexpect malaika atoke heaven anafly, Lol! Unconventional wisdom denotes that their people in your life who will always vouch for you even when you suck sometimes.
I’m a freelance writer on the sidelines. While looking for work online, I happened to bump into my guardian angel.
We met in one of the Facebook freelancers group. We were all looking for freelance writing work. He happened to get one sooner and even asked me to lend him a hand.
He loved my work from the word go. Since then, he has always been referring me to potential clients over and over. Even when I seem to do a poor job sometimes, he still believes in my skills and ability to deliver.
We always share our joys and successes and keep encouraging each other in the freelance journey.
I believe everyone has this kind of person in life. Someone who is always rooting and vouching for you.
Methinks this kind of situation arises when you have proven your worth and are reliable in your craft or skill.
9. How Good are your Negotiation Skills? Believe me When I say you Can Negotiate through anything in Life
I recently got married. I’m from the Abaluhya tribe in Western Kenya. According to our customs, a young man intending to get married has to pay a bride price of 13 heads of cattle. And 2 goats to accompany the cattle.
Add to this pesa ya baba na mama na pia kashopo. Hehehe. I’m not done. There is always another interesting list of demands like gumboots, shoes, walking stick, hat, kabuti kwa English ni? and bla bla.
So before a young man cements the marriage relationship with her wife to be, it’s a must he pays dowry unless aibe tu. 🙂 What precedes dowry payment is dowry negotiation.
In my case, I had very good negotiators who gave me a breather during the dowry period. Phew!
The message I’m trying to drive home is that you can negotiate through anything in life. Be it a job interview, a business deal, a contract and you name it.
You may not be the best candidate for the job but the panel may ask you “Why do you think we should give you this job?”
Negotiate! I repeat negotiate.
My Upwork Story
I’m a freelancer on Upwork and at one point my account got suspended indefinitely. UUUUiii. My account was dormant for so long because I kept bidding for jobs in vain.
I had also followed some bad advice from an acquaintance that got me suspended from the platform.
I was suspended from working on the freelancing platform. It was on 24th of April 2018. One of the darkest days of my life.
Well, I was so disappointed to say the least. I started telling myself I’m not cut out for writing. I took a break and forgot about writing on Upwork for a while.
But something changed in me after getting inspired by Walter Akolo’s weekly emails in my mail box.
I chose to appeal their decision and Alas! These guys accepted me back. Couldn’t believe it. I was shocked I could be this good in making a case. See the screenshot below.
Check the date. hahah I had given up on Upwork for almost two years. Oooh man. Giving up is easier done than said.
See their response below
One of the happiest day in my life this year was on the 31st of January this year. My Upwork account was reinstated.
Currently, I have an ongoing contract on the platform.
You can negotiate through anything in life. You can go to the American embassy in your country and negotiate on why they need you in there country. ooh yes!
10. Siblings should Learn Teamwork Early before Adulthood
My dose of unconventional wisdom is still here.
Siblings! please! Learn team work when you are still young and leaving in your parents house. It becomes difficult to do anything meaningful as a team when you haven’t built this culture during childhood.
With age comes more responsibilities. Once you get a job or start a solid business, as a young adult, you are expected to move out of your parent’s home and start paying house rent and other bills.
Sooner you get married and you gonna start changing diapers. With your own family responsibilities, it’s increasingly hard to merge your resources with your siblings to run a project at your home place.
In most cases this happens, if you had never built the culture of doing things together as siblings.
As adults, one sibling is always trying to win the support of the rest in vain. It’s only through calamities or catastrophic events that you find such siblings pooling their resources together.
It isn’t the perfect scenario if you ask me. Build team work early in your family.
11. Borrow Money and Invest
The statement – Poor people save, rich people invest sounds like an insult to the efforts of the poor to becoming rich. But it’s another brutal truth you can’t ignore.
The poor and middle class save most of their hard earned cash in banks, SACCOs and microfinance institutions. The rich and wealthy or rather those with a wealth mentality go borrow this money and invest.
Ten years down the line, the investors are richer, the savers are not even an eighth of their financial goals.
I would say this, don’t just save because of the 50/30/20% rule. Save with a goal for a certain period of time and go invest that money.
It’s better you buy a flock of sheep that give birth every 9 months than put your money in a bank that gives you less than 9% interest per annum on your annual savings.
Bonds and shares are other better investment opportunities you could explore.
Also, think of ways you can multiply your income streams to manage your current lifestyle. With more income streams, you will have more to save and invest.
Don’t be afraid of borrowing huge loans via your payslip to invest. That’s what the rich are doing and moving forward.
Economics teaches to you to manage scarcity or what is there. So, for how long are you going to manage your salary? Unconventional Wisdom can teach you better.
Kes10,000/= in 1999 could buy a lot more than the same amount of money in 2020. I bet you are wise enough to see that. So why not invest?
12. Learn Early What Works for You so You Can Save Much Time and Energy
This reminds me of the common saying that life begins at 40. But sometimes we tend to waste much time with things that aren’t cut out for us.
The world, I believer would be a better place, if people knew well enough their purpose and calling. But what is the situation now? We are being defined by our education system and not who we are deep on the inside.
Someone went to school and studied Computer Science but their passion is not even in Computers but Agriculture. But society will want to pin you down by your degree and not your personal interests and passions.
In the journey of life their things you try overtime and they come to work out really well. On the contrary, some flop terribly.
Watch yourself, and know your strengths, skills, abilities and most importantly your passion so that you can leverage them into your destiny.
13. We have Many Success Stories but Few Tangible Mentors
In the West, when a simple, down to earth individual becomes a billionaire, you hear later they published a book or a memoir about their journey.
Of course not all millionaires or billionaires in the West do become authors. In my country, success stories are all over, but you can count real tangible mentors who can walk with you through the murky waters of success in life.
That tells you something, the individuals behind the success stories are shady. I don’t mean to say all successful people should publish books. I don’t hate the rich and not all wealthy people are shady but you need to look at the top billionaires in Africa and make your case.
But the least they can do is to mentor young people to be the giants they can be. My hat off for the Zimbabwean tech and media billionaire Strive Masiyiwa.
Strive has been using the Facebook platform to mentor young people into entrepreneurship and self-employment.
A challenge for you: Become your own success story and mentor someone else into your path.
This is the longest post I have ever written on this blog. Hope you found it intriguing and interesting. There is more I could write but I feel 3000 words about unconventional wisdom are enough for today. I leave to read and be the judge. If you want to join this discussion, feel free to leave a comment below. Wishing you a prosperous 2021.
Really? Do good things come to those who wait, or is it just one of the many statements with white lies we know of?
The other question is wait for what things from where? BBI team? Jubilee or Uncle Sam?
The Waiting Wilderness
The world today makes you want good things thick and fast. So how in the world are you going to wait for good things to come your way?
Someone the other day was wondering why I haven’t bought a car yet. Hehe. We panga maisha yako achana na yangu boss!
In fact, I’m tempted to believe that the social norm today is not about being rich, it’s about looking rich. It’s about the perception you are rich.
So, all a young man needs to do is buy a fancy car? Some fancy clothing and build some mansion in the village or in a suburban plot of land somewhere and bam! You are damn rich men! Even with no money in your bank account or valuable assets.
Yet society will perceive someone walking in faded blue denim jeans and a Jubilee Tuko Pamoja T-shirt as poor. Hahahhha
The irony is this guy could be yule msee when you are cash-strapped and all your friends and enemies have turned their backs on you. Ye ana mali but hucheza chini, you get?
Yeah, the aforementioned scenario is an accurate reflection of the happenings in society today. Instant gratification, over expectations, flamboyancy dot the material world of vanity.
You are entitled to your opinion but the wisest man to have lived saw all these and he wrote in his book of Proverbs 13:7 (NIV):
One person pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.
A young man coming out of University wants to be paid Kes 60,000/ USD600 on their first job. Bro! I like your ambition, but people begin from the bottom and rise the ladder.
Sit and Wait or Act and Wait?
The statement “good things come to those who wait” shouldn’t be understood to sit, do nothing, and wish for some miracle to happen.
In the process of waiting you invest in yourself and build good habits that will make you a better version of yourself.
What are your dreams? or what is your purpose? Who do you want to become?
If you are serious about your dreams and what the future holds for you? then you should learn to wait. Fast or quick isn’t always right. Well, it could also be right but not the best for you.
Waiting doesn’t mean drowning in alcohol and indulging in sensational sex to feel you belong.
It’s all about taking responsibility for your life and make every decision you make count.
How to Wait
1. Get Busy and Productive
I will use a common saying here again – An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
You have 24 hours in a day. You can choose to get engaged and productive or idle and destructive.
I have seen young people getting busy and keeping off activities that would destroy them. Similarly, I see young people who keep destroying themselves.
Jack, a young man I know is a great footballer. Daily except for Sunday, he is always on the football pitch training for the next tournament. Rarely do you find him sleeping in bed idle.
In three words, he is fit, disciplined and focused.
He knows he can be a great footballer and that’s why he invests time in fine-tuning his gaming skills.
Mary and Ian
Mary is in the Praise and Worship team in their church. Often, when you go looking for her or ring her, she will tell you she is church singing or praying.
How about Ian? He is always in his father’s business stall, helping him run the family business. He has little time for reckless and irresponsible living.
Ian is learning to be a business man, doesn’t he?
A Stark Contrast
On the other hand, Allan, is the exact opposite of the two above. He eats large chunks of food but he is very idle. And have you noticed how idle people get hungry very fast? Hahah
Allan can spend the whole day binge watching movies on a laptop or the TV set and chatting with ladies on the phone.
Mark you, we live in a time and age where you can read Personal Development books on your Smartphone or study a free course online.
Farming today is no longer a reserve of the old in society. Young people can embrace it and Allan is no exception.
Because of his untapped strength and idleness, Allan occasionally fornicates with young girls in the neighborhood. Ignoring the fact that he could contract STDs, get impotent or killed with Viagra or sire a baby he isn’t ready to take care of.
He also secretly goes for house parties, smokes weed and drinks lots of alcohol. Ooh poor boy! Bad habits die really hard.
And I don’t hate men, ladies have their fare share too. Laura has been caught severally by her parents sneaking. She does this in the wee hours of the night.
And for what reason? To drink and sleep with her boyfriend, old enough to be her father. Pathetic!
2. Keep Good Company
Guys! The truth is simple and plain or plain and simple? Ni kizungu ilikuja na meli but you get my point, don’t you?
Have you noted that if someone is trying to explain something simple to you in so many words either he is lying or not sure of what he is saying?
I come tell you, “Bad company corrupt good morals” I mean what’s so hard to understand about that? Or should I speak in French? Okay I will but sio sa huu.
In the waiting period learn to keep good company. Learn to walk with people you admire and aspire to be.
Even amongst your peers, some are better than you in life skills. You can learn something from them, right?
Good things come to those who wait by keeping good company.
3. Pray Without Ceasing
Prayer is a form of communication.
But in this case, you are not communicating to your friend but a higher power or deity – God
I know young people who pray. But a majority don’t. How I wish they could learn the secrets of prayer early in life and build this habit all the way.
Prayer invokes the power of God over natural situations in your life. It generates tremendous power to cause seismic shifts in your destiny and mold you to the person your maker wants you to become.
Prayer aligns you with the vision and purpose of God over your life.
In your waiting time, don’t sit idle. Join prayer caravans and seek God with all your heart. Walk with the prayer warriors and see your life get transformed.
And for the record, you don’t have to be in church to pray. Are you traveling? pray. Seated somewhere? Pray. Walking in a park? pray. If you can communicate when driving it means you can pray when driving.
I feel I haven’t written enough of this post. But hope you understand it the way I’m trying to. Good things come to those who wait and you better learn to wait. Life is a journey and you need to enjoy your time in the waiting wilderness. Because you are going to remember those days when you get over with them.
What does it mean to keep your words? I understand it to mean doing what you promised.
If you were to hold yourself accountable for keeping your words, what score would you give yourself on a scale of 1-10?
People can fail to keep their words on almost everything, but I find the aspect of failing to keep their words on matters of time and money more outstanding.
I’m still trying to figure out whether this is a Kenyan pandemic or global.
Did you fail on your Promise, or Someone Failed You?
For instance, people sound almost always sound very genuine when asking for help with anything, be it money, or a material need.
Trouble begins when they fail to keep their words, and you have to follow them constantly to remind them about doing what they promised.
And for the record, no one is an angel on keeping their words. You and I both know that once in a while we have been caught between a rock and a hard place in honoring our words, right?
But there is always a way around this: Communication. Rather than waiting for a follow-up call or visit from the person you owe the words, it’s better to explain yourself to the receiving party and assure them you are still on course in doing what you promised.
Wisdom dictates that you don’t make promises you can’t keep.
I once traveled with someone I will call a colleague because we once worked together in the same company.
A colleague can double up as a friend, but in this case, he was jus a colleague to me.
Mark as I would call him is always this silent and humble-looking guy who appears harmless even to hurt a fly. Unfortunately, beneath the humbleness was a mix of slyness and trickery.
The guy asked me for a “ruabe” – 200 bobs, claiming that he doesn’t have enough fare for his destination. He promised to refund the money in a week’s time.
Oh boy, I’m still wondering to date whether the one-week period came and went or it’s still coming.
My gut feeling strongly advised me against the move. Poor me wasn’t quick to smell dishonesty in the young man.
After constant reminders and calls that went unanswered, I had to let the money go. A perfect case of someone failing to keep their words.
Do you want to improve your life or do you ever think about improving your life? If so, that’s a good thing. It means you are development-conscious and you want a better version of your current life.
On the contrary, the process of improving your life is not as easy as you may think. It is as hard as coming out of your comfort zone. Like a child learning to walk, break out of the current you into the former you.
Improving your life means investing in yourself so you can be better at something. In the marketplace, being a jack of all trades never sells. Therefore, for you to stand out, you need to offer more value than ordinary folk.
I’m sorry if you expected me to talk about money. Young adults you will have to bear with me here. Money should be a means to an end. And that’s why billionaires keep making it when you think they have made it already.
So. let me cut to the chase. Here are four ways you can improve your life.
1. Enroll for an Online Course
The world is a global village thanks to the digital space we live in currently. With a smartphone and internet bundles from your telecommunication provider, you could easily get a certificate or diploma from MIT.
Young people through college shouldn’t waste their precious time editing their social media profiles repeatedly.
Take advantage of the free online courses on the internet today to have a vantage point in the marketplace. Whether it’s at your place of work or in your business, an online course helps spruce up your work skills.
Coursera is a common online course platform that you could study lots of courses, whether free or paid, and earn yourself a certificate. For the record, the Ministry of ICT Kenya is in partnership with Coursera to provide workplace skills for the Kenyan youth.
You can download the Coursera app on your phone and keep going.
Improve your life by studying some more so you can earn yourself a fortune.
2. Learn a New Language
Whether local or international, a new language can open you to other frontiers in life. Which language are you interested in? Is it French, Swedish, Chinese, or the local language of your country? Start learning it right now.
Similar to studying an online course, learning a new language also makes you valuable in the marketplace. Multinational companies would be happy to hire an employee who is bilingual.
If an entrepreneur or doing business, learning a new language will open your venture to more marketplaces.
A translator who knows has the added value of working with people from different walks of life.
To get moving, quickly download the Duolingo app on your smartphone or desktop and start learning. It’s never too late. They teach you a new language at both basic and intermediate levels.
3. Practice Mindfulness
A lot is happening in the world today. You are lucky to be alive if reading this. The world economy is now grappling with a pandemic. We have lost lives. People have lost jobs. We have lost businesses and some are struggling to maintain valuable relationships.
Against such a catastrophic backdrop, it helps to maintain your mental health. One simple way to practice mindfulness is by meditating.
Early in the mornings or late in the evenings, set aside time to meditate and have a serene time with your thoughts. Don’t make it harder, so you give up faster.
A meditation could be as short as three minutes or as long as 20 minutes. May you have been thinking about a way you can have more mental clarity or focus. Or maybe you are looking for some relaxation after running up and down the entire day and want to ease some tension? Meditation is what you need.
Start off by downloading the Headspace app on your phone and get shit done. By practicing mindfulness, you let go of the tension, the worries, you become more productive, improving your life.
4. Interact with Better People than You
If you are ever the best in your circle, you better start thinking of finding a new outfit. It’s only by challenging ourselves that we can improve our lives.
The common adage goes that birds of the same feather flock together. You are wise if you surround yourself with people who you want to become like.
“I have no successful people around me?” You may ask. Though important, you don’t have to interact with successful people physically to feel you are doing something worth your time.
You could interact with their ideas online. Read their books, listen to their podcasts, and watch their shows. It’s that simple.
What do you want or what is it you are looking for? A successful marriage, wealth, to be an accomplished entrepreneur. You name it! Society is never in lack of trail blazers and icons in your line of interest.
There is nothing I have recommended to you on this post that I’m not doing myself. Young people, especially if single with some money in their pockets, have a lot of free time they could use to improve their lives
We all have 24 hours in a day. You could kill it with loose women and men or binge-watching on Netflix, but it’s your life anyway, right? Nevertheless, if you want to improve your life, try out these four tips, and let’s talk later.
The digital space has made a lot of online resources more available at our disposal than we could ever imagine. You are just an app away from improving your life. Whatever journey you are on in your life, there is always something you can do to make it better.
Your success is what you envision in your mind. It’s not what you see in other people. If you are with me here, let’s move on.
Everything you ever want in life is inside within you. God and the universe can only help you accomplish it. But everything starts from within you.
A typical example I may use is the one for the Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg. Facebook was once a mere directory used in Harvard dormitories.
Mark began experimenting on the Facebook idea when he was a sophomore at Harvard, together with co-founder Dustin Moskovitz. The rest is history.
Julian Kyula, the Senior Pastor, Purpose Centre Church, Nairobi is the founder and former CEO of Mode, a mobile decisioning company that lends airtime credit to its consumers.
Having worked with Credit companies in the US, Mr. Kyula used his knowledge and experience in the industry to open his company valued at millions of dollars. You can read more about Mode here.
Create your Path
Well, those are some examples of successful startup stories in the US and Kenya. I’m not encouraging you to be a start-up founder. You need to know that everything you can create in this world is within you.
The success stories of the aforementioned examples were just a decision away. Mark would have continued with his Computer Science degree and shelve his Facebook project. But he thought otherwise.
If you are a student, please don’t drop school. Create your own path.
Kyula would have continued living in the US, earning a six-figure salary in a first world country. Living the American dream, right? But there is something he discovered within him that was far beyond his job.
Think Long term
Young people! Please be patient and appreciate the value of hard work. Whether you are working for somebody or are self-employed, keep your attitude right, and keep grinding.
I can assure you a successful idea will come and it will be from within your mind. Shortcuts in life are there but they are the longest routes bedecked with regrets, pain and frustrations if you come to think about it.
A young man deludes himself that when he hooks himself to a sugar mummy for riches in exchange for sexual favor, that’s a well cut out life for him.
That’s akin to dancing with a bear and sooner she will eat you up. Young ladies! Being a second wife or side chick to a rich man doesn’t make you successful. There are some evil seeds you are sowing and you will reap them later.
Young people should give themselves grace, believe in themselves (God already believes in you), and work hard because there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
And if you think you have seen the success, you have seen nothing yet because your success is in your mind.
What entails an honest relationship? And if you have caught yourself lying in a relationship, what triggered the lie?
Ideally, everyone wants to be virtuous, but not everyone wants to practice the virtue of honesty in their relationships. As you are reading this piece, take a moment right now, and examine your relationship? Do you think you have been honest with your partner? From childhood unto our adulthood, our parents bred us to know that lying is bad.
An honest relationship entails being honest with your partner at all times. By being open to each other, you create a loving environment that is healthy and long-lasting. According to Depaulo, author of the book Detection of Lies in Forensic Concepts, people perceive individuals with the highest number of lies as irresponsible, manipulative, and are hyper-conscious of other people’s thoughts. Besides, they are more extroverted than people who tell fewer lies.
Between you and your partner, who lies the most? You know the answer best.
Keeping Things Honest in Your Relationship
Honesty in a relationship entails being authentic and transparent with your partner on issues, including the ones you feel are most insignificant. We live in a real world, and it helps when you are more real than living in fantasy.
It’s understandable that you all come from different backgrounds and each one has their own perception of life. For you to build a thriving relationship, it’s important that you share your different perceptions and build one out of the two.
To achieve an honest relationship, you and your partner will need to implement important practices that involve speaking the truth, not intentionally omitting information, never intentionally misleading them from the truth.
Why Practise Honesty in Your Relationship?
I will be straight to the point: It’s the only way you can have an intense and intimate relationship with someone. Relationships that thrive on lies seldom last for long, and if they do, it takes a lot of effort to build the trust back.
Also, for the two of you to build a meaningful relationship, that is full of trust, honesty has to be part of the foundation. A simple way for someone to trust you is to show that you can be honest with them.
Anyone in a functional relationship will attest to the fact that a healthy relationship comes from building and maintaining an open and honest communication with your significant other.
At this point, it’s important to mention that you will also have to exercise some discretion as you attempt to be an honest partner in your relationship. Being honest shouldn’t make you rude, unkind, or insensitive with the truth.
What Honesty is Not
Truth sometimes hurts, and you shouldn’t use it intentionally to harm your partner. You can package and deliver it in a more sensible way. Now, honesty is not revealing everything you feel and think. Because you feel your friend or acquaintance is hotter than your partner, you will not tell that to them, won’t you?
Be truthfully honest and not brutally honest. I’m learning this myself.
Similarly, you may have issues you feel not comfortable bringing them out to your partner. It’s okay to feel that way, however, you need to let them understand how you feel. They will understand you better and will put you at ease to talk about it.
There should be no secrets in relationships. That’s what marriage counselors keep telling us repeatedly. But as a partner in the relationship, you may have some confidential information from a third party that you don’t feel comfortable sharing with your partner. It’s important that you share your concerns with your partner and let them understand why the information you have is confidential.
The Three Forms of Lies: White, Real, and Gray
According to Erin M. Bryant (Trinity University,2008) there are three types of lies: The white lie, Real and Gray. Of the three, the white lie is the most common. According to the research, white lies lack malicious intent and people often use them with a benevolent intent or to convey a partial truth.
For instance, you could be sick and resting, but you tell your partner you aren’t to prevent them from worrying. White lies have trivial consequences, and people always prefer using them because they find them harmless.
A similar case could be when the wife tells the husband she enjoyed his meal because she knows there will be no consequences to it. .
What about grey lies? These are beyond white lies, hmmm? But you can’t categorize them as actual lies yet. On the same knot, you can’t use the parameters you used to define white lies to define the gray ones.
Byrant broke down gray lies into two categories: The ambiguous gray lies and the justifiable gray lies.
Ambiguous gray lies are completely false, but you could use them to help someone. For example, telling a full-blown lie to your boss or employer to cover your colleague. So they have gray areas because to one party it could be a lie, while to the other party it isn’t. In the case of justifiable lies, they could be real lies, but justified within certain reasons.
A justifiable lie is one that you completely fabricate to protect yourself or the other person from dire consequences. In the context of a romantic relationship, what do you think could qualify as a perfect example? 🙂
According to Byrant, Real lies are ““unacceptable lies that are malicious, self serving, complete fabrications of the truth, that hold serious consequences”
Let’s face it, as humans we are prone to mistakes over and over and we use these lie types unknowingly to cover our asses. The question is, which of the three types of lies and their consequences are you and your partner comfortable living with?
Think about it as you navigate your honest relationship journey.
How to Practise Honesty
1. Express How You Feel
Which is easier? Expressing how you feel or bottling yourself up? It does you more good than harm when you speak rather than shutting up. Honest communication with your partner saves them the trouble of having to second guess your thoughts or next move.
Sometimes men find it difficult expressing themselves. You say, “I would rather avoid confrontation”. Well, speaking up does not outright lead to confrontation. It’s healthier for you, as it will help you avoid resenting your partner and forming a history lesson.
Have you ever reminded your partner what he/she did a year back? They may never be in a position to answer because they never remember the nitty-gritty of the event. It helps to always express how you feel.
2. Communicate Effectively
An open, honest communication is good but effective communication is far much better. To communicate effectively and understand the feelings and thoughts of your partner better:
Make use of “I” statements
Be clear about your thoughts and feelings
Avoid defensive listening
Validate each other’s feelings
3. Know Yourself
To practice honesty better, it pays to understand yourself. You won’t be good at maintaining an honest relationship if you don’t know about you. Take a step back and separate yourself from people’s opinions and the perception of society on you.
If by any chance, you embraced a harmful personality that doesn’t reflect you, then you need to drop it for the sake of being honest about your relationship with your partner.
An honest relationship is achievable. If you are a young couple and just starting out, embrace honest practices in your union and your relationship will go far. Everyone wants to be virtuous, but not everyone wants to put in the hard work that reflects virtue. Regarding honesty in your relationship, practice honesty by speaking the truth, not intentionally omitting information and not misleading your partner about the truth. If you found this piece helpful or feel you want to put your thoughts into it, let me know in the comments below.
In a world where suicides resulting from stress and depression are on the rise, what price would you pay to keep a positive attitude?
Maybe there isn’t. But to some extent, a long positive life doesn’t come on a silver platter. There is a way you could go about things in your life to make you stay positive.
According to the World Health Organization, depression is a common mental disorder. It affects over 264 million people of all ages across the world. It’s also a major contributor to the global disease burden. However, you shouldn’t confuse it with typical mood fluctuations and mild stress levels arising from everyday challenges.
WHO also reports that 800,000 people commit suicide every year. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in the world among 15-29-year-olds.
Your mental health is key for your survival. Your thoughts are your source of your life. Learn to master them and you have solved 80% of the problems in your life. Your heart is the wellspring of life. Here, we give you simple but kick ass tips that will keep you positive and living longer.
1. Keep a Positive Attitude through Hope
According to the Merriam Webster, Dictionary, hope as a doing word is to cherish a desire with anticipation. As a noun, from the same source, hope is desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfilment.
The opposite of hope is despair. You may despair because you feel life has no meaning anymore. Still, you could lose hope because of trouble in your life that made you suffer.
On the same note, you could lose your hope because of a series of empty promises from both friends and enemies.
But I’m here to tell you to keep the hope. Keep it because it will protect you when people may want to take advantage of your desperate situation.
You need to keep the hope because it will help you envision something beautiful out of life. According to the American psychology Association, children who grew up in poverty and ended up being successful had one thing in common: Hope
2. Handle Criticism in a Healthier Way
Criticism is the act of finding fault in someone or something. In most cases, criticism is never about the receiver but the person speaking it. How many times in your life have you shied away from what you want to do in life because of the fear of criticism?
Often, fear of criticism leads to impassivity, sucking the joy and life out of you. Nevertheless, you shouldn’t fear criticism, but you would rather handle it in a healthier way.
Often, fear of criticism leads to impassivity, sucking the joy and life out of you. Nevertheless, you shouldn’t fear criticism, but you would rather handle it in a healthier way.
Diving deep and further, you can learn to handle criticism in a healthier way rather than running away from it.
For instance, some comments can be a criticism if we take them to the heart or make them personal. On the contrary, you can make the situation less tense by laughing the comments off.
At best, it is good not to reply but let go. But if you must reply, you may want to start with a question to hear the criticism once more. To add on, you could turn the criticism into a positive situation for you or make it a light moment.
3. Turn the Negatives thrown at you into Positives
To keep a positive attitude even when feeling negative, you need to take control of your mind. Be strong mentally. Just as negativity is all around us, positivity is also there. The key takeaway here is to have a mind that is flexible.
If a situation turns out to be negative and less of what you expected, remain collected, sober and figure out what you should do next. It’s easier to figure out Plan B when you are still collected.
It also helps to have positive comments for negative remarks thrown at you. Of course, you are not a computer that has a line of thought for every word that people feed into your ears. But having a word that turns out a negative remark for your good makes you feel a lot better.
Turning the negatives into positives also means pushing the negative thoughts out of your mind. Yes, they can pass by but don’t allow them to settle.
4. Avoid Self-Condemning Thoughts
It’s good to take responsibility for your silly decisions or mistakes in life, but it’s never healthy to blame yourself. Tell me of one person who doesn’t make mistakes and I will show you a ghost.
You must come to terms with the fact that every day in your life is an opportunity for you to rebuild your self-image. Whether you sucked or embarrassed yourself the day before, having the courage to pick yourself up and get moving is what makes the difference.
So, learn to keep a positive attitude by filling your mind with good thoughts about yourself.
For instance, if you are a believer and study the Christian Bible, then you must know Christ died for you on the cross while you were still a sinner.
Christ forgave you and imputed God’s righteousness on you. If you catch yourself sinning or falling into sin, always tell yourself you are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus and eventually you will be. Isn’t it written the righteous will live by faith?
Self-condemning thoughts hardly add any value to you but take out all the positivity in you, leaving you deflated. Think well about you.
5. Find Positivity Within you
My script about keeping a positive attitude may not be of much help to you if you won’t discover the positivity you carry within.
Further, all of us are born positive until when we allow negative life experiences to shape our mentalities. If you carry positivity within you, negative situations or experiences will not linger on you for long because they will have to find another like environment to go.
By nature you are positive. But most people refuse to hold on to this reality and listen to what the world will tell them they are.
Put another way, you are God’s creation, fearfully and wonderfully made. Whether people categorize you as beautiful or ugly, it won’t negate the fact that God created you wonderfully. Find solace in the positivity within you.
6. Tell Yourself it Could be Worse
You could be the most pious person or a fugitive, but none of your statuses could make you immune of daily life challenges. Accidents occur in our lives from time to time. But somehow, somewhat, you always find yourself alive again to tell your story.
The main issue is, we don’t have insurance for negative life events.
Anytime you find yourself in a situation that is so hard to bear, always tell yourself you are lucky because it could have been worse.
To the best of my knowledge, the worst that could happen in your life is when you lose your life. Anything else that doesn’t kill strengthens you.
7. Find your Purpose in Life
Purpose is the reason why something exists. What’s the reason for your existence? The key to keep a positive attitude is to discover the reason you exist.
Besides anything else, discovering your purpose in life is the greatest thing you’ll ever find. The world is full of successful people who are devoid of purpose. Despite the affluence and the mega lifestyle they live, they always find themselves unfulfilled and feeling empty.
Yes, money will make life easier for you but it won’t fulfill you because you will keep looking for it even after you have made your billions. Come to think of it, materialism and fame also fall in the same category with money.
Your true purpose in life is not inward facing. It’s outward. You are in the world for a reason and finding that reason is the best fulfillment. What do people say about you? Or what do you find easier doing? Getting answers to these questions could kick-start your journey to discovering your purpose.
To keep a positive attitude is a matter of choice. You have the power to do it. Keeping a positive attitude is not all about smiling and looking good. It’s something deeper that comes from within you. Make the choice today of observing the positive heart-warming list and see yourself live a life of positive attitude.
It means to let go your old way of life and embrace someone else’s life.
I want to tickle your mind today with an interesting conversation. Imagine your health has failed you completely. You are on the verge of death. But just as you are about to breathe your last, a stranger comes over and offers to die for you instead.
If this stranger gives his life for you, it means you can no longer live for yourself. You die to self and live for him.
This may sound ridiculous and an out of this world conversation. But think for a moment if someone was to offer you his life to redeem yours. Wouldn’t it just be amazing to be given your life back freely?
And more interesting will be the fact that the stranger who volunteered his life for you never asked for anything in return.
God’s Salvation Plan
What you will find out is that there is somebody who died for you already. That somebody has a name, and I refer to him as Jesus Christ. Through his death, he granted you eternal life. Dying to self comes with no sacrifice. All you have to do is believe in the one man who gave his life for you.
Let me break this down further for you.
God, the creator, created the first man, Adam, and his companion Eve. He placed them in the garden of Eden and gave them some rules to live by. But because of deception from the devil, Eve was deceived and also convinced her husband to eat the fruit from the forbidden fruit.
The consequence of disobedience was that Adam and Eve lost fellowship with God and he chased them from the garden of Eden. God out of his love and mercy shed blood from a lamb and covered their nakedness with the sheep’s skin.
Now, every human being who lives on planet earth is a descendant from the fallen state of the first man, Adam. And so through one man’s disobedience, they made all humans sinners.
For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.
So man now has a sinful nature and there is nothing he can do to get rid of that sinful nature. He is dead to self. He doesn’t have the capacity nor the wherewithal to get rid of sin. But God is a loving and just God and he had a plan in place for human failings.
So God sends his only begotten son, Jesus Christ, to restore man back to fellowship with him. We have to understand one thing here. That God is a Spirit and those who worship him must worship in Spirit and truth.
God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.
The first man Adam before his fall had fellowship with God through all the time. But after his fall, he became like one dead and lost his fellowship with God. His Spirit lost fellowship with God.
Great. Up to this point, let’s read the following verse:
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
So man is still a sinner only if he fails to renounce his sins by repenting and believing in the son of God, Jesus Christ. Because why did Christ come.
Let’s read the following key verse:
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.
Through his sufferings, death on the cross, and resurrection, all sinners are forgiven of their sins, and their transgressions are remembered no more. And so Christ died for the sinner who had no life that he may have eternal life. And also through his death there is healing, deliverance and justification.
Dying to Self
Here is my question. Do you have a desire to know Christ and be in fellowship with him? It calls for dying to self. Repent of your sins today and believe in the finished work of the Cross and you will be saved.
Here is what happens when you welcome Christ into your life:
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
If you have more questions about Jesus and the message of the cross, please reach out to me via the following contact details. Dying to self to embrace mastership to someone can only occur by faith.
Here is a Prayer of Faith in Jesus Christ
I believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God. He died on the Cross for all my sins. He died on the Cross for all my sins and you raised him from the dead for my justification.
Jesus Christ is my Lord and my Savior. In him, I have everlasting life. All my sins, past, present, and future are forgiven.
You have filled me with the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of Power, Love, and a Sound Mind. Thank you, Lord Jesus, and from now on I will live a life where my Spirit and my body will glorify you.
Keep my body strong. Keep my body healthy. I want to serve you with my body. Keep me young for your glory. In Jesus name Amen.
Celebrate Jesus, for he has purchased you with His precious blood. You have died to self and now alive in him.
Two days ago, as I skimmed through my emails, I came across an email that had just skipped me by.
It was not one of the regular mails or subscriptions I receive daily. No, not those. It was about rape: a recurring agony in society today.
My eyes quickly got the allure, and I clicked the unread email in my inbox.
Sex is Sacred but See This
The charm was the word Sexual Violence. I was curious to find out what is this someone offered me on sexual violence.
Okay, to cut the chase, guess what? It was an offer for a review of an e-book about Sexual Violence, hope, and healing titled – To The Survivors
This is a subject I have never explored myself, even though it’s deeply engraved in society.
And so, thanks to Robert Uttaro A.K.A Bobby, I plunged into the unchartered. So while doing some research on personal development blogs, Robert bumped into my blog.
That’s where we hit it off. Now, here is the sad truth, sexual violence affects not only the body. It also affects many facets of your well-being, including your mind, heart, and soul.
Rape: A Recurring Agony-Which Category do you identify with
The bigger question here is from what perspective do you understand the subject of sexual violence or rape: a recurring agony in society. Are you a victim, perpetrator, a witness, a counselor or both?
The latter two may never understand the agony the former went through. There are a lot of issues surrounding rape incidence, healing, and recovery. You will be left wondering how can a rape victim go through it all?
And just to give you a picture of what transpires after these are the potential effects of sexual violence that may last years after:
Changes in sleeping patterns
Changes in eating patterns
Loss of Control
Effects of Sexual violence
There is also the other question on the perpetrator. What leads them to commit the act?
Do they always feel guilty about it or the act become their way of life? Do they need therapy as well? Surely they do.
Have you witnessed a rape incident before? How did this make you feel about life and the whole situation? How you respond reflects your state of wellbeing towards this subject.
Ask yourself how do you understand the subject of rape: a recurring agony in society. A few questions to ask yourself would be Who is a rape victim? And maybe what would make someone start sex with someone else without their consent?
The fact is statistics on rape cases aren’t damn right as their many instances of rape cases that go unrecorded.
The victim, the perpetrator, and the witness all turn out to be rape survivors. And society needs to address all these groups satisfactorily if we are all to arrive at an amicable solution.
Rape Myths Demystified
A rapist in the words of Bobby is not the typical lunatic hiding in a bush somewhere, nor the bloodshot guy you see across the streets.
If that is your mental picture of a rapist, I don’t blame you. I used to have that in mind too until I met Robert.
Many are times rape victims get violated by people they know. I’m saying this through a counselor’s eye who has had to withhold so many tear droplets while listening to harrowing stories of rape survivors.
Many attested to the fact that the people who violated them were close family members, men of the clock, acquaintances, colleagues and the list was endless.
A rapist is not the out of mind, unkempt fool you could think of right now. A good case in point is being sexually graded by your University lecturer who threatens to withhold your marks if you don’t fall for their antics.
I’m sure you will agree with me that society has not been very supportive of giving solace to rape victims. First, because few believe rape survivors, let alone listen to them. Imagine a situation where a smartly dressed lady shows up at a police station to report that somebody raped her.
The police somehow will doubt her story and begin asking the questions that appear to blame her. Perpetrators appear so innocent and can be pleasant men and women in society, which makes it hard for people to believe they can perform such a heinous act. This video sheds more light on the matter.
The other mental picture that we put into our minds when we hear of a rape victim is a torn dress, bruised limbs, bleeding, and unkempt hair. While this is a potential scenario, not all rape incidences turn survivors into such a state. And so it becomes very easy not to believe a rape survivor when he or she comes smartly dressed and tells you they were raped.
We are also wrong to have the lop-sided view that 99% of rape victims are women. Both sexes are prone to rape, and being a victim is not anyone’s fault. So it’s never about women and girls alone, but men and boys too.
How Should Society Support Rape Survivors?
The justice system has never been the best avenue in supporting victims of rape cases. After having gone through the devastating and shameful experiences, the justice system usually subjects them to another lengthy process of identifying and testifying against the perpetrator.
Worst of it all is the fact that without a witness, the rape case will collapse and the perpetrator will walk Scot-free to lay hold on another innocent soul.
What rape survivors need is the best therapy they could find to take them through the healing process. This brings me to the acronym BLESS.
In the words of Robert, society should support rape survivors by
Believing in them.
Listen: Pay attention to them if they need to cry or talk.
Empathize with them.
Safety: Take care of their physical, emotional, spiritual safety.
Support: Give them support in whatever way they need.
To find out more about Robert’s work and what he has written about Rape Survivors, I will refer you to his E-book: To the Survivors that you can find through this Amazon link.