Two days ago, as I skimmed through my emails, I came across an email that had just skipped me by.
It was not one of the regular mails or subscriptions I receive daily. No, not those. It was about rape: a recurring agony in society today.
My eyes quickly got the allure, and I clicked the unread email in my inbox.
Sex is Sacred but See This
The charm was the word Sexual Violence. I was curious to find out what is this someone offered me on sexual violence.
Okay, to cut the chase, guess what? It was an offer for a review of an e-book about Sexual Violence, hope, and healing titled – To The Survivors
This is a subject I have never explored myself, even though it’s deeply engraved in society.
And so, thanks to Robert Uttaro A.K.A Bobby, I plunged into the unchartered. So while researching personal development blogs, Robert bumped into my blog.
That’s where we hit it off. Here is the sad truth, sexual violence affects not only the body. It also affects many facets of your well-being, including your mind, heart, and soul.
Rape: A Recurring Agony-Which Category do you identify with
The bigger question here is from what perspective do you understand the subject of sexual violence or rape: a recurring agony in society. Are you a victim, perpetrator, a witness, a counsellor or both?
The latter two may never understand the agony the former went through. There are a lot of issues surrounding rape incidence, healing, and recovery. You will wonder how a rape victim can go through it all.
And just to give you a picture of what transpires after, these are the potential effects of sexual violence that may last years after:
|Shock||Changes in sleeping patterns||Safety concerns|
|Guilt||Startle responses||Changes in eating patterns|
|Embarrassment||Loss of Control||Distrust|
There is also the other question of the perpetrator. What leads them to commit the act?
Do they always feel guilty about it, or does the act become their way of life? Do they need therapy as well? Surely they do.
Have you witnessed a rape incident before? How did this make you feel about life and the whole situation? How you respond reflects your state of well-being towards this subject.
Ask yourself how you understand the subject of rape: a recurring agony in society. A few questions to ask yourself would be Who is a rape victim? And maybe what would make someone start sex with someone else without their consent?
The fact is statistics on rape cases aren’t damn right as their many instances of rape cases that go unrecorded.
The victim, the perpetrator, and the witness all turn out to be rape survivors. And society needs to address all these groups satisfactorily if we are all to arrive at an amicable solution.
Rape Myths Demystified
A rapist, in the words of Bobby, is not the typical lunatic hiding in a bush somewhere, nor the bloodshot guy you see across the streets.
I don’t blame you if that is your mental picture of a rapist. I used to have that in mind, too, until I met Robert.
Many times rape victims get violated by people they know. I’m saying this through a counsellor’s eye who has had to withhold so many tear droplets while listening to harrowing stories of rape survivors.
Many attested to the fact that the people who violated them were close family members, men of the clock, acquaintances, colleagues and the list was endless.
A rapist is not the out of mind, unkempt fool you could think of right now. A good case in point is being sexually graded by your University lecturer, who threatens to withhold your marks if you don’t fall for their antics.
I’m sure you will agree that society has not been very supportive of giving solace to rape victims. First, because few belief rape survivors, let alone listen to them. Imagine a situation where a smartly dressed lady shows up at a police station to report that somebody raped her.
The police somehow will doubt her story and begin asking questions that appear to blame her. Perpetrators appear so innocent and can be pleasant men and women in society, which makes it hard for people to believe they can perform such a heinous act. This video sheds more light on the matter.
The other mental picture we put into our minds when we hear of a rape victim is a torn dress, bruised limbs, bleeding, and unkempt hair. While this is a potential scenario, not all rape incidences turn survivors into such a state. And so it becomes very easy not to believe a rape survivor when he or she comes smartly dressed and tells you they were raped.
We are also wrong to have the lop-sided view that 99% of rape victims are women. Both sexes are prone to rape, and being a victim is not anyone’s fault. So it’s never about women and girls alone, but men and boys too.
How Should Society Support Rape Survivors?
What rape survivors need is the best therapy they can find to take them through the healing process. This brings me to the acronym BLESS.
In the words of Robert, society should support rape survivors by
- Believing in them.
- Listen: Pay attention to them if they need to cry or talk.
- Empathize with them.
- Safety: Take care of their physical, emotional, and spiritual safety.
- Support: Give them support in whatever way they need.
To learn more about Robert’s work and what he has written about Rape Survivors, I will refer you to his E-book: To the Survivors, which you can find through this Amazon link.
Let’s discuss this in the comments below