Father’s Responsibility

fatherhood

Where did Father’s Miss the Mark?

The question is not rhetorical. It needs answers. What is the father’s responsibility? Because many sons and daughters in society today lack fatherhood love.

On a local television program, I listened with empathy as young people lamented about the lack of a father figure in their lives.                                             

It’s clear that many youths are asking plenty of questions about their fathers. Well, this begs the question when did men abdicate thier fathers’ responsibility?

Of the hundreds of participants who took part in the program, a paltry 20% acknowledged the presence of a good father in their lives.

The remaining 80% lamented on their absentee fathers. Numbers don’t lie.

My Childhood Experience

Growing up, I knew my father to be the best in the world. Being the teacher he was, discipline was the number one virtue he instilled in us.

To top that up, he was there for all of us, including my siblings and I. He endeavored to educate every one of us up to university level.

Similarly, dad would not spare the rod when he had to put it to good use. Well, at that young age, I felt this was an unfair punishment.

More disturbing was the fact that we could all carry the blame for the mistake of the one mischievous chap and get an equal number of lashes.

The Fruits

Going back down the memory lane, I now see why dad had to instil discipline in us. Over the years, I have reaped the fruits of being disciplined in my life. Not necessarily to the authority figures in my life, but my personal life as well.

If there is one thing I’m grateful to dad for, it’s the culture of reading he nurtured in me.

By the time a man realises that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he is wrong

Charles Wadsworth

Reading and writing became part and parcel of my life at quite an early age. If I remember, countless are the days I read the long outdated “Hallo Children” English course book for lower primary.

I also read a lot of short novels such as the “Moses series” and in there the so-called Mukibi Institute of the sons of African gentlemen by Barbara Kimenye. God rest her soul in peace.

Getting out of bed, even before breakfast, I could get down to reading out loud whatever material was at my disposal.

Dad would be there to admonish me to go on. Isn’t this what you would call a father’s responsibility?

Dad would be there to admonish me to go on. Isn’t this what you would call a father’s responsibility?

All newspapers that dad bought and read could ultimately find a way into my hands.

Train your Child at an Early Age

In the Bible, we read about training a child on the way he should go, and he will never depart from it.

Today, I’m a living testimony of the statement above. I read a myriad of materials on end.

The Amazon Kindle app is now an excellent companion. Still buying books in there and counting.

I’m currently reading “The Man in the Mirror” by Patrick Morley and my next book in line is “Money Master the Game” by Tony Robbins.

One common informal saying goes that if you want to hide something from them that don’t read, hide it inside the pages of a book.

I don’t know whether this is true for a fact, but many find it difficult to focus on a book for hours.   

I have been through school. One thing I have realized about life is that you don’t study it by going to school but through personal reading.

Consider this, or else you are losing it.  To master life, study it by reading the great minds of the men and women who lived before you.

To master life, study it by reading the great minds of the men and women who lived before you.

Irresponsible Fathers

That said, lately, the trend of irresponsible and absentee fathers is becoming common.

Not only is it a warring trend but a bomb that has exploded already. From the program that aired live on TV, the speakers in attendance put it clear to us that there are three types of fathers about the fatherhood crisis.

Children today are victims of being “under fathered,” “misfathered” and “unfathered”

Under fathered to mean little of dad at home, always at work. He only shows up for a short time and leaves.

Going by the research done on fathers, many participants lamented on the fact that their dads could only spend 18 minutes or less with their families.

About being “misfathered,” many talked about the lack of parental love, a dad who is abusive, violent, and uncaring.

Just like the first two, “Unfathered” participants complained about not knowing their dads.

In all these scenarios, society needs to ask some tough questions regarding fathers and what is becoming of young men who have not experienced the presence of a father in their lives. If they lost their dads at a young age because of death, this is an all different case.

Are Mothers to Blame?

Is it possible that mothers could also be a contributing factor to the lack of a father’s responsibility?

Take, for example, mothers who cannot reveal the identity of their husbands to their children. Such actions by mothers could stem from the fact that they may have gotten the child in question in a harrowing way, like rape.

Alternatively, the father may have neglected the upbringing of the child.

Parents have a responsibility of taking care of their kids emotionally, mentally, and physically and more so in the ways of God.

Nonetheless, I will talk about Jonathan Edwards. He is an 18th century American revivalist preacher.

He gives an excellent example of what it means to be a great father and a parent at large.  

Tracing his children and grandchildren, the American Educator A.E Winship, discovered new statistics about the descendants of Jonathan 150 years later after his death.

Out of his descendants. There was:

  • 1 U.S vice president
  • 3 U.S senators
  • Three governors
  • Three mayors
  • 13 college presidents
  • 30 judges
  • 65 professors
  • 80 public office holders
  • 100 lawyers
  • 100 missionaries

One hundred fifty years after you cease to exist, what legacy would you want to leave behind in your family?

Can we make a vow as millennials to nurture our children in the right ways and give them the best love a father could ever give?

In contrast to Jonathan Edwards life lived Max Jukes. Max Jukes left behind a horrible legacy after his death thanks to his wayward descendants. He had: 

  • Seven murderers
  • 60 thieves
  • 50 women of debauchery
  • 130 other convicts
  • 310 paupers
  • 400 physically wrecked by indulgent living

Can we make a vow as millennials to nurture our children in the right ways and give them the best love a father could ever give?

Bottom Line

To solve the fatherhood crisis in the society today, we have to accept the fact that it is a present challenge in the community today.

Many are suffering as a result. However, all is not lost. If a victim of the fatherhood crisis, you need not dwell on what you are missing.

Dwell on what you already have. Have an attitude of gratitude. Personally own up your situation and take time to heal as you seek to accept and forgive your dad.

In the same way, the government and like-minded institutions should avail mentors in schools. They will be handy in offering emotional and mental support to students dealing with the fatherhood crisis.

Men! It’s your time to stand up and take the father’s responsibility over your children.

If you want to voice your opinions on this issue, leave a comment in the comments section below.

What you Need to Know in Parenting Teenagers

raising a teenager

Parenting teenagers is very demanding. It’s not a surprise that most parents fear the teenage years in their kids. It’s always a time of intense growth in their lives. They are growing physically, intellectually, and emotionally.

That makes them more curious. Your teen now has the increasing desire to be addressed as an adult.

They make decisions that will define the relationship between themselves and their teens. As a parent, it may reach a point whereby you feel like your teens reject your influence.

Your teen is still the same toddler you nursed. They are now trying to be more articulate, idealistic, and thoughtful. Given the right guidance, teens should make you proud as their parent.

So, worry not if your family seems to fall apart. In this article, we will help you find applicable ways on parenting teenagers in the best way possible.

Signs your Kid has grown into a Teenager

Maybe you are at a loss as a parent on how to identify your kid is a teenager. You are not alone. Many parents find themselves in this melee.

Years alone may not help as kids go through different growth spurts. In children, you will find speedy developers and those growing slowly but steadily.

Some key signs that will help you identify your kids are transitioning from being a child to a teen include:

Sexual Characteristics

  • Facial hair
  • Pubic hair
  • Growing breasts
  • Menstrual periods

Behavioral Characteristics

  • Desire to be independent
  • They want to be decision-makers
  • Loathe you addressing them as kids
  • Are aware of other people’s opinion on them
  • Seek identity and a sense of belonging

So how should you handle your teenagers? We give you a 10 point guide on how can make your teenage parenting smooth.

1. Understand What they Need

The teenager is no longer your child whom you would cuddle with all the time. He or she has developed and is almost becoming an adult.

Most probably, they are becoming different from what you knew them to be. It won’t mean that you will have to stop caring about them.  Have frequent talks on what they need most.

This will enhance a strong relationship between the parent and the teenager.

2. In Parenting Teenagers, Prove to them you Love them

As a teenager, he or she may develop an ego during the first stages of adolescence. By doing so, the teenager may seem rogue at some point, hence some parents feel like giving up.

As a parent, you need to ensure that there is enough evidence to prove that you love your son or daughter. First, it does not matter whether you give him or her money.

Money does not solve any problems. Take some time off with your teenage child. You can opt for road trips or anything to enhance the bondage between the parent and the teenager.

Through all these, the teenager will grow up to become a respectable person in the community.

3. Know more about their Friends

As a youngster grows up, they always have time to make new friends. Some of these friends will make a major difference in how your son behaves.

Despite this, while knowing their friends, do not be too nosy. As a parent, there is that overprotective feeling of handling your child.

You can host a party and tell him to invite some of his friends. By doing so, you will have made a big achievement in knowing his or her friends.

It will also enable you to guide him about his company. As they say, never judge a book by his cover, so don’t be too overprotective. Parenting teenagers is a skill that needs learning.

4. Have a reinforced Standard within the Teen

Children are never born knowing what is right or wrong. As the child turns in to a teenager, he slightly bends the rules that you as a parent has set.

This will make you feel troubled and somehow stressed. If it comes to this point, ensure to remind them what you taught them at a young age. 

Also, give practical reasons why there are boundaries. Do not be afraid that you may seem strict.

In the end, the teenager will thank you for your tireless efforts to raise him appropriately.

5. Always Listen to their Queries or Needs

Fewer adults respect or listen to their teens. Many of them think they will get over that stage just like how he or she managed.

Sadly, this destroys the emotional character of the teenage child. The child will feel more of a burden to the parent or guardian.

As a teenager, your son or daughter will seek advice from other people who may mislead them.

Advice from unknown persons could ruin a healthy relationship with your teenager.  Always listen to what your teenager wants to discuss with you.

It helps to create a better mutual understanding and stronger bonds.

6. Offer your Wisdom regarding when you were a Teenager

Being a parent, you have had several encounters as a teenager, some of which may be impressive or not.

In line with that, you automatically gained the gift of wisdom since you are no longer a teenager.

Give this wisdom to your child and it will make a positive impact in his or her teenage life.

It will also make parenting teenagers a lot easier.

7. Guide them to Stay Focused

This is one of the crucial parts to consider when raising a teenager. Guide them to balance enjoying the fun within adolescence.

At the same time, prepare them for the future. Your teenager could forget the consequences of their current choices which could cost them the future.

Ensure that they are not always focusing on football games or prom.

8. Do not always talk to your Teens

Your teenager will always receive lectures from several adults.

Many of these adults care more about their agenda rather than the teenager. This is very exhausting for kids hence making them not trust adults including parents.

Avoid much too many lectures on your teens. When giving lectures or bits of advice, always address them as adults. Remember to keep things clear and straight to the point.

9. Take away Some Privileges

You should always note that teenagers need you in their lives and not on their terms and conditions.

Take away some privileges like going to events, gaming, and many more if they seem to develop an ego.

This applies to some extreme cases whereby the teenager is very stubborn. It will definitely help to bring him back on track.

10. Reward Increasing Maturity

Reward your teen accordingly if he seems to portray patterns of maturity. You could reward them by increasing their freedom.

You could also give them an extra tip on the allowance and many more. It will also make the teenager to trust you more and be more responsible.

Final Thoughts

That being said, raising a teenager can be demanding if you do not know how to go about it.

Yet, if you follow these tips, your child could become the epitome of being mature and responsible.

So, if your child is just getting into teenage hood you now know how to handle them best.

How to Raise a Child Alone

single mom

To raise a child alone can be very demanding. When it comes to single motherhood, you may feel like you are not being the best parent to your son.

At times, you may consult people on how to be the best single parent or just figure out on your own.

Currently, many single parents have not discovered the best ways to raise their children.

There is no need to worry; I will guide you on the best ways to raise your child despite being a single mom.

Adapting between dating and single parenting

As a young single mom, you may find yourself dating in pursuit of true love. When you are dating, do you consider the impact your child will get once you introduce the romantic partner to him/ her?

This is one crucial thing that many single parents fail to address. Before you introduce your partner to the kid, ensure that you have established a solid relationship with your partner.

Furthermore, ensure to get a partner who will treat your child with admirable respect.

Once you have established a strong relationship and you are in good terms with the partner, the next step is to tell your child about his personality. This will enable the child to get to know more about him and have established trust between you and the child.

Have a parent-child talk about divorce or separation

Apart from losing a partner through death, numerous single moms may have divorced or separated from their partners.

If this may be the case, have a pep talk with your child about the changes that have taken place.

Also, ensure to remind your child she is not the cause of the separation and bring assurance that you love him or her very much.

Besides, listen to what the child feels about the divorce and try to answer all her questions in an honest way as possible.

In addition to that, avoid bringing out the negative side of your partner. In recent research, children fare best in divorced marriages when parents have frequented communications on co-parenting.

You can always organize meetups, video calls or something that will help the child to be raised in the best way possible.

Avoid bringing out the negative side of your partner

Set a Positive Model

To raise a child alone takes sacrifice, determination, and persistence.

Once you have all these and you embrace them to the maximum, your virtues will always inspire your child. They will always be determined to be the best in whatever they do.

Have a set of Household Established Rules

When making rules, ensure that they are short and easy to understand.  Children need short and simple rules that you should define well.

This will also help your kids to gain focus on what do than giving them long lists of what they should avoid.

If you want them not to do something, tell them by mouth, give them the consequences but not in a threatening tone.

Always be accessible when the child needs you

As a single parent, ensure that you can always give help to your child. This applies whether he or she needs it.

You can always ask about how he faired in school, check his homework and help him where he needs correction.

The child may also be involved in extra-curriculum activities. You should always give support by attending all the games or anything apart from curriculum matters.

This will motivate the child to grow positive knowing there is a parent bringing a positive impact in their life.

Visit a Counsellor Occasionally

To raise a child alone can make you feel depressed and confused about how to raise your child.

Some single moms emulate what other parents are doing to their children, hence they end up doing some things which may not influence the child positively.

As a single parent, you can visit a counselor to get some advice and to gain some knowledge on how to raise your kid accordingly.

Rethink on how you have been performing as a single parent

At one point, you may ask yourself questions like “Am I doing the best for my child?”, “How have I been performing?”.

Put another way, such questions help in setting standards that you may plan to achieve as a single mom.

Once you know the past of your single parenthood, it will be easy to set goals and aim to do what you have not done so far.

Successful single parents always do this simple trick and the child turns out to be well raised and have a good picture in the community.

Have Respect for your Child

Being a single parent can be hectic. You may have repeated arguments with your child, which may lead him or her to acquire a negative mindset.

To top that up, some parents may be overprotective to their children. This may lead to the child feeling demoralized and denied the chance to get new friends.

Also, this denies them the chance to create a stronger bond with thier old friends.

As a parent, you should have respect for the child. This can be achieved by always listening to their demands and address them accordingly and to avoid quarrels before knowing the child’s reason to do a certain mistake.

Show your Family that you are a good Single Parent

Family members will always monitor you and the child to know the progress.

As a single mom, the aim will be to show your relatives you are making progress as a single mother.

To achieve this, you need to show maximum care, love, and support to your child.

Concerning that, do not pretend to be nice to your child when being around your family.

The child can think on his or her own and he or she will notice this. As the child grows up, you notice that the respect and love they had for you is fading with time.

You will remember the fake care and support you gave to the child. Unfortunately for you, it might be to late to mend fences.

Bottom Line

To raise a child alone can be hectic. This means being a mother and partly a father to your lovely son or daughter.

However, with the right mindset and attitude, no one will separate the love and bond between a single mom and her child if everything is done right.

7 Ways to Discipline your Child without Provoking them

discipline your child

Discipline is a substantial key when raising your child. The forms of discipline determine how the child’s attitude will come out once he grows up.

Many parents around the world discipline their children according to how their own parents disciplined them.

Parents and guardians should stop this mistake. We should discipline in the smartest way such that the child learns from their mistake and not provoking them at the same time.

Scripture Perspective on “Discipline your Child without Provoking them”

Let’s look at some scriptures from the Bible about child discipline: Ephesians. 6:4 (English Standard Version)

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Let’s also look at another key verse from Colossians 3:21 (English Standard Version)

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

As you will notice, the writer of the verses refers to Fathers, but it should not escape the reader that the verses are addressing both parents.

So whether you are a mother or a father, you can learn how to discipline your child without provoking them.

Are their times your child was angry at you because you provoked them? What did you do to cause the provocation? Children, in certain times, are justified in having a holy anger towards us.

I justify holy in the sense that they are mad at you, their parent.

Provoking your child will only accumulate to stressful days when the child grows up. I will guide you through some key steps on how to discipline your child without provoking them.

1) Have realistic expectations

Parents and Guardians tend to expect too much from their children. For example, the child may not be superior at academic works but excellent in playing football. The parent will always pressure the child to perform well in academic work and at times punish the child severely for having poor grades. This is a crucial part where most parents fail to put much concern. The child will undergo a series of scolding by the parent. After some time, he will feel provoked. This is where his/ her discipline tends to depreciate. The more the child will be provoked, especially at a young age he/ she will gain hatred upon the parent and may lead to a catastrophe.

The more the child will be provoked, especially at a young age he/ she will gain hatred upon the parent and may lead to a catastrophe.

The parent should have realistic expectations in that, if the child is not doing well in school, or any task given, a more formidable way of discipline should be used. The parent should also not punish the child for unreachable expectations but rather have a positive attitude towards the child and offer moral support. Set expectations that the child may achieve and with time increase the level of expectations. You will notice that the child will gain appropriate discipline and will not be provoked

2) Avoid Constantly bringing out Faults

Children have a belief that their parents give them absolute love. When they are young, you as a parent should avoid rebuking them for every mistake they make. They will obviously get angry then feel provoked. If the faults keep on being brought up, the child will somehow start losing the unconditional love that he/she once had for the parent. The child will be angry and aggravated. As a parent, you should gain a positive form of criticism for the faults caused by the child. Having a positive way of disciplining the child will also avoid seeing petty mistakes and bringing up faults all the time.

3) Choose your Battles Wisely

As a parent, you should not always pick out minor arguments with your child all the time. For example, you set a curfw, and the child comes home late.

You will get mad and punish the child. These small battles should be addressed in more of an affirmative manner.

Issue out a warning if the child fails to maintain discipline. If he/she does it for the second time, have a small talk. If the issue is repeated consistently, then the appropriate way is to combine efforts with both parents and some of your friends.

It may seem like intimidating the child but in the end, the child will learn from their mistake. Picking battles with them most of the time is just provoking their reputation and diminishing their discipline.

5) Comparing your child to others is a way of provoking them

Your child may seem not to fit in terms of many activities, which other children tend to do well than them.

By doing so you will feel obliged to pressure your child to become like the other kids. This is a common mistake among many parents at this age.

The parent will end up thinking that by putting pressure on the child is a way of motivating them. It provokes the child and he/she ends up losing their discipline morals.

As a parent, identify what the child does best and it can be unique from what you compare with other kids.

By doing so, the child will have a motivation to achieve his or her goals and also maintain high standards of discipline.

6) Think about the outcome of provoking your child

If you pick on your child all the time, what are the consequences?  The child will feel irrational. As a parent, you may think you are giving them discipline, but the child in the actual sense is gaining nothing from the correction.

Think of an outcome that may have a positive impact on the child.

As much as you want to discipline your child, you also want to establish a strong relationship with the kid.

So having to think about the outcome will aid to avoid provoking the child and maintain high standards of discipline.

7) Be calm before dealing with a discipline issue

Cases of parents beating their children giving them severe injuries and also children injuring their parents have been common recently.

A parent picks out an argument with the child, this provokes the child they end up committing a crime.

It is so sad for such an image to be displayed because of provoking the child. If a discipline issue pops up, do not start spanking the child. Listen to his or her story of what made them become indiscipline.

After listening, have a civilized way of communication and don’t raise your voice to an extent you piss the child off.

By doing so, you will have disciplined the child by using appropriate communication skills hence avoiding a catastrophe.

Wrapping it Up

Using an ideal form to discipline your child without provoking them as a parent is very important.

According to the Bible verses in Colossians and Ephesians, discipline and instruction are necessary without provocation.

The child has a sensitive way of responding to things. For discipline matters, parents must have a formidable way of ensuring the child has lofty standards of discipline.

Also, maintain a positive attitude in their minds. The child will grow up having high standards of discipline and fewer chances of being provoked by anyone. 

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Child Discipline: How should Millennial Parents Discipline their Children?

Child discipline is a key factor that most parents think of when they are raising their kids.

It is a key factor in that parents can remove obnoxious behavior among children as they grow up.

Similarly, child discipline also shields society from the chaos that children who did not gain discipline at an early age could cause.

The debate on child discipline has been common, which are the methods to use when disciplining children.

Child Discipline Methods

Guardians and parents give habitual discipline to entrench appropriate social habits among children.

They may use many discipline methods that fellow parents, teachers, or even the grandparents may recommend.

If you are a parent and you seem to have trouble disciplining your child, you should not worry.

I will outline some various child discipline methods that have worked and enabled children to maintain discipline for the rest of their lives

1)  Educate yourself on parenting and discipline styles

Once you gain the skills of disciplining your child, you will have a simple time. Many parents base themselves on the common knowledge of child discipline.

For example, some parents think the way their mothers and fathers raised them is the way should raise their kids.

Even so, this thinking is somehow wrong. Parents should undergo the needed training and pick out the best ways on how to discipline their children.

By educating yourself, you will gain a style that fits your family, and the child can cope with it appropriately.

2) Reward good listening behaviors

Listening behavior is a factor that a child learns at a very young age. The child may obey and disobey some rules at that young age.

If the child has good listening behaviors, you may reward the child with hugs, food that he or she loves, or take them out for a walk.

By doing so, the child will learn that having awful behavior they will gain nothing from it.

Good listening behavior makes the child learn that good actions result in praise and positive attention.

3) Respect their need to communicate

Children have a unique skill of communication. They are not like adults to lay down their issues straight to the point.

Having respect and creating time to listen to them communicating will help a lot.

The child will have confidence in themselves and the parent can address the issues raised by the child.

You will discipline the child since you respected their need to communicate.

4) Set clear consequences and limits

Choices have consequences. If you don’t correct your child at one point, the world will discipline them.

There are excellent ways like denying them the chance to play video games. This way the child will learn from the mistakes they did.

Also, set substantial limits that the child will avoid breaking. This way, you will have played an important role as a parent to instill discipline.

Benefits of child discipline

The benefits are truly rewarding. The child will grow to be a respectable person in the community.

In school, children will relate well to their peers and teachers. As they grow up, they will become socially and emotionally mature adults.

Likewise, child discipline enables the child to be having satisfaction and happiness, especially at their adulthood. All in all, the benefits are of no doubt very gratifying.

Final Thoughts

Parents should understand their children and how they relate to the outside world.

By doing so, they will manage their child appropriately and monitor them as they grow up.

Mastering the skill of relating the right way with the child is also a very important key to maintaining child discipline. Overall, parents should have a first-class relationship with their children.

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Chronicles of a Sunday School Teacher

It is enjoyable to be some kind of teacher. How about being a Sunday school teacher?

Whether a teacher in school, church, or the lecture halls, you have hundreds and thousands of kids paying keen attention to you.

They are eager to know whether the content they are listening to is worth their time and adds value to their life.

Here is a friend of mine who is a Sunday school teacher. He spends much of his time coaching high school students with classwork.

He also mentors them with God’s word and is more passionate about sharing God’s word with children.

mamabiashara_kenyakids
Image courtesy Google [mamabiashara_kenyakids]

Doesn’t the Bible talk about Jesus Christ exhorting his listeners to allow young children to come to him?

As a youth leader and an aspiring parent, we have shared a lot with Dave on parenting and the pertinent issues affecting children, teens, and youth.

Parents today are digital and raising their kids in a digital world. Now, this is not wrong per se. Parents are facing myriad challenges stemming from the age of technology and growing social media influence.

Given his penchant for spending time with kids, my best friend got an invitation to attend his niece’s birthday.

With the festive season at hand, no one will say no to such invitations. Don’t people want to make merry and capture excellent memories?

As usual, friends, colleagues, families converged at the party to celebrate another year of a young one on earth.

Well, Dave, as I would like to call him, has been in parties before but did not expect a party with liquor in the presence of kids.

That being said, the party was wow, to say the least.

Just at that point when drinks were being served, the waitress handed David a bottle of liquor. Hahaha.

The staunch Christian in him could not allow him to say yes to the offer.

Even though given as a kind gesture from the host, this was obviously uncomfortable to somebody who doesn’t take liquor.

What I found funny is how other guests at the party wondered at the choice of his drinks. Hahaha.

Personally, I was a teetotaller two years ago, never to taste any alcoholic beverage again. If in Dave’s shoes, I would have politely declined the offer also.

However, I can attest to the fact that alcoholic drinkers find it rather odd if they meet someone at a party function who doesn’t drink alcohol, let alone taste it.

While Dave sat comfortably with his bottle of water,  people kept asking him: “Are you sure you are okay?”  Hahaha.

Needless to say, he was okay but people, especially Kenyans just do not want to believe somebody can drink something different apart from liquor at a party.

I mean, who said one must party with liquor. Kenyans (not all for that matter), unfortunately, have a soft spot for alcohol and they deem a party incomplete without it.

However, our greatest concern here wasn’t about the party makers taking alcohol but the fact that they were doing it in front of their kids.

However, our greatest concern here wasn’t about the party makers taking alcohol but the fact that they were doing it in front of their kids.

Worse yet, they could send their kids to bring them more alcohol from the fridge.

Ugly Parenting Patterns

Common wisdom denotes that kids won’t pay attention to what you tell them but what you do.

As noted by my buddy sunday school teacher, parenting reared its ugly head rather vividly at the function going by the different behaviors exhibited by the kids.

Notably, when the cake was being cut, kids swam into action wanting a bite and to cut the cake at the same time.

On the other hand, there was this group of kids that watched from a distance, waiting eagerly for someone to serve them.

Evidently, the way these kids were behaving goes back to the way their parents nurtured and handled them at home.

Just as charity begins at home. Disciplining your child starts at home before you even send them to Sunday school or the 8.4.4  education system.

I have lived with young parents whose kids are spoilt brats. They dismiss even the gravest of mistakes with a simple, “I will whip you” and that is it.

Such kids have no respect for adults and visitors in their home. They will jump on the sofa around you, snatch your phone and hit you unexpectedly. Owe unto you if you wear spectacles. I had to replace mine recently because of such an ordeal.

In all these, they expect you to do nothing lest you fall short of the discipline code in their home.

It’s even more annoying when they are doing this to you in front of their parents who don’t care about your ordeal at all.

The only option left is to play along and pretend you are comfortable.

One interesting thing Dave noted was also the health of these young kids. Kids fed on junk food often appeared weaker as compared to kids who fed on carbohydrates and protein diets.

Methinks parents should call the shorts on what their kids should be eating. Snacks are good for kids once in a while, but rarely.

However much he/she always screams for that ice cream displayed at the shops, we must make effort to wean them from the consumption of junk food.

As we enjoy the festive season, let’s remember to be wonderful parents and custodians to our young ones.

If we give the freedom of their desires at a young age, we will have to contend with raising rebellious teenagers. This is because there was a twist already in their upbringing we didn’t want to address.

Successful parenting to all parents and aspiring parents in 2020!

Use Common Sense

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Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

 

Twelve years ago, I got enrolled in an institution of secondary education that was deemed one of the best in the country.

We first formers were called “MONOS”.  I guess the older students came up with the nickname because we were always on the receiving end of their harassment and bullying.

Coming from a place where most school mottos could be clearly understood or their intended meaning put out clear, the motto of the secondary institution I was enrolled into seemed to be quite unique and different from most school mottos I know.

The reason it turned out to be that way is the fact that most school mottos always appear to have the same pattern of cheering you on, for instance, you will find school mottos that go like, “Aim higher”, “The Sky is the Limit”, “Together we can”, “Striving for Excellence” and more like them. However, in my new found hub of education, things caught me by surprise because the motto did not follow the common pattern of school mottos I knew about. In fact, what made it more unique was the fact that it did not address the school or a large group of people but you as an individual. You could actually get that feeling in your heart that indeed it’s my duty to abide by this motto and no one else will if not me.

To us first formers, we got more confused by the motto than embracing it. The motto kind of led you to yourself. You needed to know your surroundings well and know what to do at the right time and in the right place. Unfortunately,  many of us, we still had no clue or a proper grasp of the school routine and rules and were therefore in limbo.

Well, the motto wasn’t like something about coding or rocket science. As a matter of fact, it was very simple to understand but how to put it into practice was the big deal.  So when we were told “Use Common Sense was the motto or we rather so it painted all over we got that awful feeling in our stomachs while asking ourselves what all this was about.

But as the school term gained momentum we came to learn from the older students that we had only ourselves to blame because we kept on imagining many unnecessary things about in the school. You simply needed to do the right thing at the right places at the right time. And for you to be able to do it right and maintain discipline, you needed your five senses of see, hear taste, smell and touch to be very and always alert.

For instance, we used to be woken up for morning personal study that was usually referred to us Morning Preps that could begin at five o’clock. There was an old, rusted rim of a tractor tire that used to be hit with a metal object every day at five o’clock. It was actually our morning alarm.

After one student complained about the rusty rim being too primitive for our school image the administration changed it to an electronic bell.

Well, life generally has its own puzzles and people need to realize that not many use common sense in their day to day living.  I interact with both the old and young in my place of living, work and social events but it really becomes disgusting when people cannot use their common sense to do the right things at the right time. However, I agree that the aforementioned statement is itself relative and somebody’s right could be someone else’s wrong but at the end of the day we must agree that facts are facts and there is always a guiding principle to the thing of things.

Take, for example, an adult who cannot leave the washrooms clean as he or she found them. Etiquette dictates that you use the washrooms responsibly for the sake of others who are using the same facility. In the event that you mess it up, common sense dictates that you clean up your mess because it should not be anyone else’ responsibility to do that.

Take, for example, an adult who cannot leave the washrooms clean as he or she found them. Etiquette dictates that you use the washrooms responsibly for the sake of others who are using the same facility. In the event that you mess it up, common sense dictates that you clean up your mess because it should not be anyone else’ responsibility to do that.

To those living in rented apartments or flats, it becomes illogical when your neighbor who is hardly a stone throw away from you to want to listen to their music at the highest volume possible when common sense would have simply told them not everyone likes that type of music or they could be listening or watching something else in their living rooms.

It even becomes more disgusting when adults cannot make a queue to be served food or attended to for whatever service they need but would rather scramble creating more chaos. Some literally walk to the front of the queue or jump the queue and give you that look that says, “Utado?” or “What will you do?” Common sense demands that when you happen to see a queue then all those people standing or seated in that queue are feeling the same way as you feel but have chosen to be orderly, therefore, you need to see the orderliness and follow suit. Haaa!!!

For heaven’s sake, common sense demands that you eat with your mouth closed because you yourself know very well its uncomfortable being on the other end where you have to see the masticated food particles in someone else’s mouth. Right?

On public utilities like latrines, you must always knock on the door first lest you push it through when someone is in there. On the other hand, If everyone around you is using a fork, spoon, and knife to eat, why be the one to do it the opposite way.

While you may want to call it etiquette or something else but the end of the day, it all boils down to using your senses to make the right decisions and choices.

Best.

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Why Age is an Important Factor to Consider in Women’s Fertility

 

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Image courtesy of Google

Picture this, you are a woman in your early 20’s, busy pursuing your career ambitions. As age beckons, you want to settle down with your life partner and raise a family. Well, better not delay the transition to a marriage and family. Research over time has proven that a woman’s fertility depreciates with age.

How is this so? When women are born, it is common knowledge that they come with all the eggs they will ever have in their lifetime. However, as they age, their eggs also decrease not only in quantity but quality. You want to ensure that you give birth while still young and space your childbirth at reasonable and well-timed intervals.

A woman who delays giving birth increases the chances of not conceiving.  Worse still, is the fact that you increase other pregnancy-related complications such as a miscarriage or delivering via a caesarian section.

On the contrary, you could be a woman of a faith and a firm Christian believer who believes in the Biblical Sarah giving birth to Isaac way beyond her menopause. I do respect your beliefs but allow me to dispel the myth that a woman could give birth at any age.

A woman who starts giving birth at the age of 32 has a lower chance of conceiving compared to a woman who is 30 years or way younger. At the age of 32, there is already a significant but gradual decrease in a woman’s conceiving power. When a woman clocks 35, her fertility is on a downward spiral. By 40 her pregnancy potential will have declined by half.

According to research, a woman at age 30 has a 20% chance of conceiving each month as compared to a woman at age 40 who stands at a 5% conception rate monthly.

Pregnancy and birth risks to consider in older women:

  • Older women are most likely to give birth via the caesarian section as compared to younger women.
  • Genetic abnormalities and congenital disabilities are high in children born of mothers at an old age.
  • A woman at age 40 stands a higher risk of miscarriage than a live birth.
  • At the age of 35, a woman is 2.5 times more likely to give a stillbirth as compared to a younger woman. At 40, a woman is five times more likely to experience a stillbirth as compared to a woman at the age of 35.
  • Other birth-related complications such as placenta abruption that occurs when the placenta separates itself from the uterus lining. However, this incidence occurs in a significantly low percentage of women.
  • Placenta previa is also another congenital disability to consider that could affect women in old age. It occurs when the placenta covers the cervix partially or sometimes completely. This condition is said to affect 1 in 200 women. The situation could be dire for old age mothers.

That said, note that there are some catalysts to this congenital disability in women. It’s more common in women who may have a uterus surgery or gave birth through a caesarian section.

The bottom line

To a woman below 30 years of age, you want to avoid the stress that comes with giving birth beyond the age of 32 years. Giving birth at a young age has numerous benefits. Giving birth at a young age means you are fertile and at a prime age to conceive and give birth to healthy kids.Conversely, to a woman beyond 30, it’s never too late. There are several cases of women who have given birth to healthy children at 30 and beyond. However, you want to make sure that you do not make the situation worse than it is already.

 

 

 

 

 

How to Build a Strong Reading Culture in Your Life

 

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https://happyyouhappyfamily.com/how-to-develop-reading-habit/

Two days ago while talking to a sales and marketing acquaintance, he lamented to me how reading culture had waned among the middle working class. Probably, the reason behind this could be the demand that comes with an office job. Besides, their reading culture may not have been developed properly during their tender ages.

Given his job of marketing and selling books that border on finance, business and self-help he was lost for words when a one female bank manager turned him off for coming to her office with a sales proposal rather than to seek banking services.

If not turned off, he is either met with queer remarks or empty promises that are meant to appease his eager to sell attitude.

There is a poor reading culture not only among the middle working class but across the divide in our society. Teens too abhor reading and only want to chat on social media. Reading has been made to appear tedious and only meant for the preparation of an exam.

Personally, reading and writing is part and parcel of my life. I find relish in reading content in both published books and blogs.

During school days, I would often be mocked and called a bookworm for reading the Bible, novels, online blogs and journals. At home, relatives would troll in and wonder how one hell of an avid reader I was.

Well, I developed a reading culture quite at an early age thanks to my great dad Boniface Kiniale Wasike. Every morning when I woke up, he would give me children stories to read out loud to him. Later on, he would give me newspapers to read after he read them through.

The rest as we always say is history. I picked momentum from such early age experiences and read every material I could find with zeal and interest that knows no bounds.

Young parents should seek to build a strong reading culture in their children while still young as reading will determine how far they will go in their lives.

So how do you develop a strong reading culture in your life? Read on and learn more.

  1. Join a Book Club

Have you ever found yourself yearning to eat something just because you saw your neighbor two seats away eating it? The effect is quite the same when it comes to reading. Once you join a book club, even if reading is not your cup of tea, the book club will gradually build in you the desire to read and be a commoner in their meetings and discussion forums.

If you know of none, you could team up with like-minded friends and begin your small book club. With consistency, you could grow your membership to a dozen and more.

  1. Have a Reading Goal

For beginners, you could start with reading one book every new month. Having a reading goal not only helps you build a strong reading culture but it will also be instrumental in making you grow gradually from reading one book every new month to reading three books in a month.

You could pick particular topics that interest you. This could be about wealth and personal finance, relationships, spirituality, history among others.

  1. Read Everywhere

Unlike in the past, the digital world is here with us. Gone are the days when you needed to visit a library in the city to access a novel or an interesting book to read. While you can still do this, the digital era we live in has made accessing books easier than ever before. For instance, I recently bought Robert Kiyosaki’s best seller Rich Dad Poor Dad on Amazon. Downloaded it to my Amazon Kindle account on my smartphone which allows me to read it from anywhere and everywhere.

  1. Switch Content When Frustrated

You just positioned yourself comfortably in your favorite seat to watch a movie with a title you found to be catchy. Ten minutes down the movie you find it to be flat and outright boring. Well, who said you cannot switch to another movie that is more interesting?

A book could also get frustrating or lose meaning to you along the way. No need to force it on yourself, you can always shift to a more interesting topic of your choice.

However, for you to build a strong reading culture, it is important to understand that discipline and consistency is key.

  1. Read to Learn

There is a wealth of information found in books if you would care enough to read them. There is a wide range of books that offer knowledge and solutions to the present day life challenges and problems.

For example, reading books on real estates and long-term investments will make you a brilliant investor. On the other hand, reading a book about sales and marketing will improve your marketing skills.

There are also books on personal development such as wealth creation, self-confidence and stress management among others.

  1. Create Time for Reading

Work, be it office work, field days or house chores can be demanding at times. Hence, there is the need for you to also create a specific time for reading books. It all depends on your schedule, this could be early in the morning when you wake up or late in the evening just before you retire to bed. Setting aside that 20 or 30 minutes to read a book could make a difference between reading and not reading your book at all.

In my case, I find the most convenient time to read a book is when am waiting for something or someone. I could be sitting in a bank queue waiting to be served. Rather than fantasize about everything, I would rather take out my smartphone and read five or ten pages of a book am reading about.

Reading books is great. This is because reading gives you the shortcut to learning about the lives, mistakes and ideas of other people that you would have otherwise learned from your own worst experiences or never learned at all. To build a strong reading culture, you should be prepared to fight off the distractions that come with social media and friends. Start with those books you find interesting to read and gradually graduate to other topics. Use the comfort of your smartphone or portable laptop to make easier your reading culture. There you go! You are now a dedicated reader.

 

 

 

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How to handle your School Going kid during the COVID-19 Holiday

school going kid

School going kids are all over home right now in most countries in the world. And most parents are feeling the heat and cold of having them around. 

The COVID-19 virus struck in China in November 2019. Spread to Europe and the U.S fast developing into a pandemic the world over.

The pandemic has spared none of the anxiety of living in the new normal. Besides, school going kids, businesses, places of worship, bars, and clubs are all feeling the restrictions under COVID-19. 

On the same note, your children are at home right now. And if they were in boarding schools, prepare to keep up with them longer. As their parent, you now have the time to nurture them and discover who they are. 

Lucky for you, most governments the world over have restricted movements. Your school going kids idling around is one problem solved. 

Engage your School going Kid in Home Chores

The current lockdowns and curfews make kids stay home longer. This must be one of the best times to teach your school going kids different chores and roles in the home. 

Mending fences, fixing the pigsty, repairing broken furniture, milking. House and home chores are endless. There is a lot that your school going kid could do during this pandemic. 

Many are the life skills that you could train your children to do and keep them engaged during this pandemic holiday. 

Our kids, given the freedom and spirit of adventure they now possess, will no doubt find their way into impromptu, makeshift drinking orgies. In such cases, correction becomes a vocabulary as everyone turns out to be a reveler that wants to explore unknown things.

Our kids, given the freedom and spirit of adventure they now possess, will no doubt find their way into such impromptu, makeshift drinking orgies. In such cases, correction becomes a vocabulary as everyone turns out to be a reveler that wants to explore new things.

Also, incidences of immorality and our young girls getting unwanted pregnancies are likely to be palpable.

 So to speak, our children need to be engaged in constructive activities this holiday that will add more value to their lives.

Similarly, one most valuable thing you can do to your boy or girl child student is to offer them tutorship or a private teacher who can teach them at home.

Sorry, maybe you expected me to mention a sporting event or tour in Malindi or Fiji Islands with your school going child.

International flights have resumed in different parts of the world. But you want to be more cautious. The pandemic is not ended yet. Children experience fewer to no symptoms though. 

Home Tutorship

It is for this simple reason that as a parent, you would rather chop off part of your festive budget.

This is for guarantying your school going child a thorough home alone understanding of the subjects and coursework already covered in school.

More so, the tutor will be resourceful in preparing your kid for the next coursework coverage when the unfamiliar school term begins.

Though cash draining, putting aside that cash to hire a tutor for your school going kid could just work magic to his or her performance when the next school term begins.

Conclusion

COVID-19 appears to be here for the long haul. Most governments have closed down institution of higher learning.

As a parent, you may have a rough time explaining to your school going kid the fact that they will have to repeat another school year or term.

But more importantly, parents have to ensure they are engaging their kids in meaningful activities during the COVID-19 pandemic.